Funny Animal Jokes

There’s a huge variety of animals in the world, which is great news for laughter lovers because it means there’s also a huge number of funny animal jokes and puns too!

And we consider it our duty here at LaffGaff to devote ourselves to gathering them all together for you.

So we hope you enjoy this menagerie of funny animal jokes.

Featured image for a page of hilarious animal jokes and puns.

Best Animal Jokes

A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.

He finishes his drink and asks for his check.

Duck billed platypus.

What do priests say to get rid of insects in the church?

Let us spray.

A weasel walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never served a weasel before. What can I get you?”

“Pop,” goes the weasel.

A fly feels a bug on its back and asks, “Hey, bug on my back, are you a mite?”

“I mite be,” giggles the mite.

“That’s the worst pun I’ve ever heard,” the fly groans.

“What do you expect?” asks the mite. “I came up with it on the fly.”

What’s the fastest way to massacre snails?

A salt rifle.

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog.

He asks the shopkeeper, “Does your dog bite?”

The shopkeeper says, “No, my dog doesn’t bite.”

The man then tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.

“Ouch,” says the man, “I thought you said your dog doesn’t bite!”

The shopkeeper replies, “That’s not my dog!”

Two mice are chewing on a film roll.

The first one says, “I liked the book better.”

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

Because they have big fingers.

What lies on its back, 100 feet in the air?

A dead centipede.

A lost dog strays into the jungle one day.

From a distance, a lion sees this and thinks to himself, “Hmmm, this guy looks edible, I’ve never seen his kind before”.

So the lion starts running towards the dog with menace but the dog notices this and starts to panic.

As he’s about to run he sees some bones on the ground next to him, gets an idea and says loudly, “Mmm… That was some good lion meat!”

The lion screeches to a halt and says, “Woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can” and then runs away.

Over in a tree, is a monkey who sees everything and realizes that he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion what happened and getting something in return.

So the monkey finds the lion and tells him what really happened. The lion says to the monkey angrily, “Get on my back, we’ll get him together”.

So the monkey climbs on the lion’s back and they start rushing back to the dog.

The dog sees them, realizes what has happened and starts to panic even more.

But then he gets another idea and shouts, “Where is that monkey!?! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago…”

A grasshopper walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”

The grasshopper looks surprised and asks, “You have a drink named Steve?”

How do electric eels taste?


Why are leopards no good at playing hide and seek?

Because they’re always spotted.

Why do crabs never share?

Because they’re shellfish.

A guy is walking through the woods one day when he comes across a suitcase. He takes a look inside, only to find a fox and her cubs.

So he rings the ASPCA and tells the woman who answers what he’s found.

She says, “Oh, that’s horrible. Are they moving?”

The guy replies, “I don’t know, but that would explain the suitcase.”

A fly feels a bug on its back and asks, “Hey, bug on my back, are you a mite?”

“I mite be,” giggles the mite.

“That’s the worst pun I’ve ever heard,” the fly groans.

“What do you expect?” asks the mite. “I came up with it on the fly.”

My wife and I were talking about people owning strange animals and she said, “I’ve always wanted to get a manatee.”

I said, “Thank you very much, I’ll have it with milk and two sugars please.”

What do priests say to get rid of insects in the church?

Let us spray.

Cockroaches can survive a nuclear holocaust but can’t survive a slap from a newspaper.

That shows how toxic the media is.

How much does a dragon weigh?

Depends on the scales.

A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter and says to the barman, “Have you seen my brother?”

The barman says, “I don’t know. What does he look like?”

What do you call a hippo without a butt?

A hippo-bottomless.

My wife said, “Did you know butterflies only live for one day?”

I said, “That’s a myth.”

She said, “No, it’s definitely a butterfly.”

It only costs 1c to get into our local aquarium, so long as you’re camping or dressed as a dolphin.

To all in tents and porpoises, it’s free.

What lies on its back, 100 feet in the air?

A dead centipede.

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves one day and the wolves chased them into a thicket where they hid.

After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, “Well, do you want to make a run for it or stay here a few days and outnumber them?”

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.

The bartender says, “What an interesting pet. What’s his name?”

“Tiny” the man replies.

The bartender says, “What an odd name. Why do you call him Tiny?”

“Because he’s my newt.”

Animal Jokes Collections

Below are links to all our pages of hilarious animal jokes and puns. Have fun exploring them!

Ant Jokes

The ant-icipation is finally over as we bring you our excell-ant collection of ant gags!

Bat Jokes

Here is a fantastic collection of funny bat jokes to get your teeth into!

Bear Jokes

There’s nothing unbearable about this hilarious collection of funny bear buffoonery! They’re worthy of a round of app-paws!

Bee Jokes

We’ve been a hive of activity gathering them together, so make a beeline for these funny bee wisecracks!

Bird Jokes

We definitely didn’t wing it as far as these funny bird laughs are concerned! They’re eggs-actly what you’re looking for!

Cat Jokes

These hilarious cat puns will have you purring with delight and feline great!

Chicken Jokes

We’ve hen-thusiastically laid out all our favorite chicken jokes in this eggs-cellent collection!

Cow Jokes

Holy cow! These cow jokes are udderly brilliant – milk them for all they’re worth!

Crocodile & Alligator Jokes

Here’s a snappy collection of funny crocodile & alligator jokes and puns! Definitely no crocks here!

Dinosaur Puns & Jokes

These hilarious dinosaur puns are so great they could never become extinct!

Dog Jokes

You would have to be barking mad not to find these hilarious dog jokes funny.

Duck Jokes

These funny duck jokes and puns are sure to quack you up! They’re top of the bill!

Elephant Puns & Jokes

These hilarious elephant puns are so memorable no-one could ever forget them!

Fishing & Fish Jokes

We think you’ll fall for these funny fishing & fish jokes hook, line and sinker.

Frog Jokes

These funny frog jokes are toad-ally awesome! So hop to it and check them out!

Giraffe Jokes

We’re going to stick our necks out and say these are the funniest giraffe puns and jokes!

Goat Puns

We’re not kidding, these funny goat puns are the GOAT!

Horse Jokes

It would be most un-neigh-borly of us not to tell you about these funny horse jokes.

Kangaroo Jokes

If you wallaby a comedian, then you’d better hop to it and study these funny kangaroo jokes!

Llama Jokes

Alpaca my bags and leave if you don’t laugh at these hilarious llama puns and jokes!

Monkey Jokes

There’s no monkey business going on here, just hilarious monkey puns and jokes!

Owl Jokes

Here’s a fantastic collection of wise-cracking owl jokes and puns!

Panda Jokes

There’d be pandamonium if we didn’t bring your our best panda puns and jokes!

Pig Jokes

There’s no ham-fisted attempts at funny pig jokes here – we’re hogging all the best ones!

Shark Jokes

Some-fin tells us you’re going to like these jaws-ome shark jokes and puns!

Snake Jokes

These funny snake puns and jokes are asp-solutely hissterical!

Spider Jokes

We’ve scoured the web for the funniest spider puns and jokes!

Squirrel Jokes

You would have to be nuts not to laugh at these funny squirrel jokes and puns!

Turkey Jokes

There’s nothing fowl about these funny turkey jokes and puns!

Turtle Puns

It’s time to come out of your shell because these turtle puns are turtley awesome!

Whale Jokes

You’re sure to have a whale of a time reading these funny whale puns and jokes!

More Fun And Laughter

If you enjoyed these animal jokes, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more fun and laughter. We have a huge selection of funny jokes, trivia questions and answers, funny quotes, quizzes, riddles and pick up lines, so there’s something for everyone!