Corny jokes are great! Yeah, they make you groan at their awful cheesiness. But we bet when you hear a really corny joke you can’t wait to tell it to your friends. Even if it’s just to see them roll their eyes at how bad your joke is, it’s still funny just to watch their reaction.
And corny jokes aren’t just for kids either. After all, Dads are notorious for telling bad jokes!
With that in mind, we’ve gathered together a huge collection of 99 of the best corny jokes out there. Our Dads would be so proud of us!
Best Corny Jokes
1. How many lips does a flower have?
2. How does a squid go into battle?
3. What do you call a shoe made out of a banana?
4. Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
5. What would bears be without bees?
6. How much does a pirate pay for corn?
7. What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened?
Close the door, I’m dressing.
8. What lies at the bottom of the sea shaking?
A nervous wreck.
9. How do you stop a bull from charging?
Cancel its credit card.
10. What’s a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
11. What disease do you get when you put up the Christmas decorations?
12. How do billboards talk?
13. What do you call an unpredictable camera?
A loose Canon.
14. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
15. I got my best friend a fridge for his birthday.
I can’t wait for his face to light up when he opens it.
16. Why was the sand wet?
Because the sea weed.
17. How did the barber win the race?
He knew a short cut.
18. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
19. When is a door not a door?
When it’s ajar.
20. Why is corn such a good listener?
Because it’s all ears.
21. What do you call a pile of cats?
22. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
23. Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
24. What did the first plate say to the second plate?
Dinner’s on me.
25. What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Give me my quarterback.
26. Why can’t you trust the king of the jungle?
Because he’s always lion.
27. When is a car not a car?
When it turns into a street.
28. How does a rancher keep track of his cattle?
With a cow-culator.
29. Have you heard about the pregnant bed bug?
She’s going to have her baby in the spring.
30. What do you call a sleeping bull?
31. Why is there a wall around the cemetery?
Because people are dying to get in.
32. What’s brown and sticky?
33. Why could the bee not hear what people were saying?
He had wax in his ears.
34. What’s E.T. short for?
He’s got little legs.
35. It’s Jamaican hairstyle day at school tomorrow.
I’m dreading it.
36. How do you make a Swiss roll?
Push him down a mountain.
37. What did the swordfish say to the marlin?
You’re looking sharp.
38. What do Olympic sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast.
39. What’s a didgeridoo?
Whatever it wants to.
40. Did you hear about the sensitive burglar.
He takes things personally.
41. Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
42. How do you stop moles digging in your garden?
Hide the spade.
43. An Italian chef has died.
He pasta way.
44. What does a nut say when it sneezes?
45. Why did Santa study music at college?
To improve his rapping skills.
46. How do you make a Venetian blind?
Poke him in the eyes.
47. How do snails fight?
They slug it out.
48. What do you call crystal clear urine?
49. What do you call a group of disorganized cats?
50. Why shouldn’t you play cards on the savannah?
Because of all the cheetahs.
51. Why don’t penguins like talking to strangers at parties?
They find it hard to break the ice.
52. Did you know Ireland has the fastest growing capital city in the world?
It’s Dublin every day.
53. How do you impress a female baker?
Bring her flours.
54. Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two tired.
55. Why did the mobile phone need glasses?
It lost all its contacts.
56. What did the hat say to the scarf?
You go ahead, I’ll hang around.
57. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
58. What did the triangle say to the circle?
59. What did the chip say when he saw the cheese stealing?
Hey, that’s Nachos.
60. Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his food?
Because he was a little shellfish.
61. What do you call a boat with a hole in the bottom?
62. Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the casino?
Because he was on a roll.
63. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay they’d be called bagels.
64. What kind of music do mummies listen to?
65. Why did the cookie go to the doctors?
Because he felt crummy.
66. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
67. Why did the stadium get hot after the football game?
All the fans left.
68. Why do bananas wear sun cream?
To stop them from peeling.
69. What do lawyers wear to court?
70. What’s the difference between America and a memory stick?
One’s USA and the other’s USB.
71. What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
You’re too young to smoke.
72. What’s a bear with no teeth called?
A gummy bear.
73. Why couldn’t the bad sailor learn his alphabet?
Because he always got lost at C.
74. What did the first street say to the second street?
I’ll meet you at the intersection.
75. Why are teddy bears never hungry?
Because they’re always stuffed.
76. What did one toilet say to the other toilet?
You look flushed.
77. What’s the best time to go to the dentist?
78. Where do beef burgers go to dance?
79. Which side of a duck has the most feathers?
80. Where do Volkswagens go when they get old?
The old Volks home.
81. What do a dog and a phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
82. What did the red light say to the green light?
Don’t look, I’m changing.
83. What do you call a T-Rex that’s been beaten up?
84. What do you call bees that produce milk?
85. What did the axe murderer say to the judge?
It was an axe-ident.
86. How much does a Mustang cost?
More than you can af-Ford.
87. What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You’re under a vest.
88. What do you call someone who plays tricks on Halloween?
89. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it’d be a foot.
90. What do you call a baby monkey?
A chimp off the old block.
91. Why did the pig get hired by the restaurant?
He was really good at bacon.
92. What do you call anxious dinosaurs?
93. What did the fisherman say to the magician?
Pick a cod, any cod.
94. What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer?
The space bar.
95. Why did the poor man sell yeast?
To raise some dough.
96. What do you call a group of mountains?
97. Why don’t vampires bet on horses?
They can’t handle the stakes.
98. All my friends think I’m weird for constantly eating ham and pineapple sandwiches.
But hey, that’s Hawaii roll.
99. My Granddad died making butter on his farm .
It was a really unfortunate churn of events.
Really Cheesy Jokes
If you enjoyed our collection of the best really corny jokes for kids (and who wouldn’t!), you’re sure to enjoy our pages of stupid jokes and funny puns too, so why not check them out, as well as the rest of our funny jokes, such as these: